Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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