He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
