to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
