Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
