My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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