Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She's the barista slut.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
