I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
