So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
