You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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