That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
