Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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