after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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