The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
