So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
