My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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