what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
