Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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