It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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