Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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