you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You pole danced in your parka.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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