So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
