I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
