i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize