Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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