If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She bit a glass in half.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
