we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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