In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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