I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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