He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
