You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize