Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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