maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize