I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
