cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
