Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
