when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
