Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
