You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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