Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
