You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
