i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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