im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
