At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
