So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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