He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
