Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i need an iv and a liver transplant
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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