Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
