I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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