i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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