Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
