I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
