omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
