Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
