Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
