He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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