You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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