I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
