There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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