I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
