forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
