; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize