Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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