i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
