Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Randomize
