they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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