I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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