just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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