I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
