the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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