What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize