i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
