I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
