I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
