Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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