i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
