I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
