i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
