Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
