non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
