Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
