Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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