dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
