i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
