you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
