When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
