Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
