Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
