You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
