Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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