The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
