he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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