i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
