i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I AM VODKA MAN
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
