I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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