mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
3 2 1 whiskey
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
